Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
