it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
