what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
