SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
