Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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