great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
