How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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