Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
