I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
