Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
