for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
