My underwear smells like fireworks.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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