It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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