I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
