yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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