Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
