i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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