The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
