His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
