you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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