You work out of a Hotel?
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
