u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
