Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
