I looked at my own cervix.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Randomize
