i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Let's paint friendship bongs
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
