So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
