I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
