Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
