just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
