Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
