Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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