She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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