Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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