break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
