My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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