Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
