I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
