why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
