shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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