Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
