I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
