I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
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