Yo dont text me then not text me
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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