She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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