drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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