This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
