You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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