You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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