I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
