that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
