How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
