i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
