butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
i think i just lost a toe
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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