Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
