So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
