he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
